The Depths of Chaparral Heights

[E.A. Lovecraft]

Personally, I like it when stories, even chapters, begin with quotes. The Thomas passage is a good one for this tale--it's relevant and doesn't give away the plot.

[JJ Burke]

here's what i have for the twins now.. i think it's way much better:

The children’s physical characteristics were unlike any I had seen or heard of before—at least, not at these proportions. Conscientiously sheltered by soft fishing caps, their bulbous, hairless heads tapered directly into narrow torsos. Their legs were barely long enough to support upright sitting, and their miniature shoes lolled askew over feet that weren‘t entirely there. Blood vessels and even shadows of bone were visible through the translucent flesh of their rudimentary arms; they manipulated their playthings with only the merest buds of fingers.

But it was their faces that froze me, and drew the connection in my mind—the eyes most especially. They weren't so much eyes as they were seeds of eyes, just cloudy black discs bulging under transparent skin, not eyelids, and showing no conclusively human attributes. Other facial features were similarly inchoate—lipless, toothless slits for mouths, nostrils that were no more than dimples under vague insinuations of noses. My basic knowledge of child development contained just one reference for comparison. Could I really have been standing before a pair of 40-pound fetuses?

is that gnarly or what!!!

[E.A. Lovecraft]

Sweet. I'd drop the last line though, and maybe alter the penultimate one.

[JJ Burke]

good call on the last line.

this thing has 2 coats of polish now, and unless i'm too sleep-deprived to know better, i think it's just about how i want it. i even pasted a temple banner on the index page, just so my peepz know i be keepin it real.

check it out!

suggestions are still welcome though. i'm not claiming perfection by any stretch.. but i give myself an A for effort

[JJ Burke]

[Hodgson]

Good. I've read the first two parts and I'm looking forward to it.

I have a story mostly finished and may post it here sometime soon. But I'm finishing the revision on a novel as well, so don't quote me either.

don't quote me either.

Now you can quote me. http://www.templeofdagon.com/forum/view ... hp?p=11116

[JJ Burke]

found in the nearby city of walnut, where i spent a lot of time as a kid... repressed memory? you be the judge!

jury and executioner sold separately

[Hodgson]

[edited for blather]

[krakenten]

And it doesn't end with 'Aieeeee!'

[Grendelvs]

hey, is that link broke? or is the story now posted somewhere else?

[JJ Burke]

yeah, that link is dead because i'm not an earthlink customer anymore. also, i'm submitting it exclusively for fantastic horror. here's how the first part of the story will look on FH (more or less):
http://www.fantastichorror.com/01/burke ... ript1.html