The Temple of Dagon

Someone emailed this to me:

I'm 53 and was a fan of Lovecraft since I was a small boy. I wanted to capture that "style" with my first novel but honestly I failed. The closest that I ever came was with a short entitled- THE LAST TESTIMONY OF CHARLES WESTON SMITH. Please let me know what you think of this work?

Here is the story: http://www.arminus9-writers.com/xmbforu ... 3e177b8f4d

I suggested he post here to ask for opinions on it. He agreed so I went ahead and put it up here.

Feel free to comment if you read it!

I read it and thought it seemed a bit abstruse, I had some trouble figuring out what really happened in the story. Actually, it seemed like more of a type of poem than a story I guess.

I thought the writing style did a fairly good job of capturing aspects of some of Lovecraft's writing. Unfortunately, those works of his most similar to this are not my favorites. I prefer to read something where there is a definite story line. This story gave me the feeling I was reading a semi-dreamlike series of metaphorical impressions.

Over all, the writing quality was good but it wasn't a writing style I generally gravitate towards. I'm probably not the best person to critique it.

I am sure he will appreciate the comments at any rate!

That is exactly on target. I use metaphor to paint an image and not all readers can work with that concept. Many find it distracts from the story itself and slows the pace. I agree that it can make a story obtuse if used too often.
I tried to blend action and mythos developed from the dead sea scrolls in my book. If all goes well, the second book in the Seed trilogy will be published in Romania first. I'm working with Vlad T. Popescu of cartea on a book deal for the next two. Right now there are no plans for an English edition.

That story I will have to say you did a strong effort in writing and it shows, you should make that story into something longer though. It doesn't seem finished for some reason. You did create something obscure though and that is something I can appreciate. You do have a strong Lovecraftian feel but also territory of King of the Yellow as well.